Scissored or Caesar'd: Act 2

Summary of Act 2: Shady Faction plans to assassinate JC. JC's wife and a soothsayer try to warn JC, to no avail.

Scene 1:

Brutus wakes up. I guess Shakespeare was never told not to start a book/chapter with waking up unless he was Suzanne Collins. He decides that Caesar has to die, because maybe he'll be evil when he's maybe crowned. Ever heard of innocent until proven guilty?

Lucius, his servant, shows up with Casca's fangirl letters. Brutus drops a line that tomorrow is the Ides of March, which is when JC should watch out.

Brutus reads the fangirl letter and totally buys the praise. He continues monologuing about JC until Cassius shows up with his assassination retinue. Sorry, did I spoil that for you? Anyways, the "faction" of shady people troop in. They're all introduced and I don't care. Shady Faction chats about their plan to murder Caesar. They decide not to include Cicero in Shady Faction.

I hope that comes back to bite them in the ass.

Shady Faction talk about whether to kill Mark Antony, JC's fangirl no. 1. They decide he's powerless on his own. Bad decision. They also decide to kill Caesar nicely as "a dish fit for the gods." Okay then. A clock strikes, and they decide to end the meeting. They worry about whether Caesar will show up, and Brutus says "I've got it." They part.

Portia, Brutus' wife, shows up. She's not a designer and not even in the revolution this time round. Instead, she fusses over Brutus' "ungentle looks" to her. Brutus says that he's sick, and Portia worries some more. She asks to know his secrets as she is his wife and not his harlot. Brutus confirms this and refuses. That lasted for four whole pages of boredom and I bet ten dollars it will not affect the plot other than to hint at Brutus not being happy. Which I think I knew.

A guy called Ligarius comes in. He's a friend of someone in Shady Faction. He tells Brutus that his heart is "new-fired" and his sickness discarded due to the planned assassination. This guy is creepy. At least Brutus was indecisive.

Scene 2

Caesar frets and orders a sacrifice. His wife Calf cried out "they murder Caesar" a couple times in her sleep. Wonder what that means? (Spoiler: exactly what it says.) Calf doesn't want her husband to leave the house. Caesar says "no" and goes on a valor rant.

A servant comes in and says that they got a beast with no heart for the sacrifice. JC continues on his valor rant and says he has no heart if he doesn't go. Calf kneels and begs him not to go. You know, I think I'm going to call her Cassandra instead. Guess if Caesar listens?

He nearly does, actually. Only Brutus shows up to take him to the Senate. JC says "nope" and rants about his wife's dream, where a fountain of his likeness was spouting blood and Romans washing their hands happily. Ick. (I looked back, Cassandra never said so.)

Brutus says they've got it all wrong; the dream means he'll revive Rome. Caesar totally buys it. Brutus lays on the flattery with an awkward "my dear, dear love" and they head off.

The conspirators and Antony show up. They go for morning beers together. Brutus says something about deceptive appearances.

Scene 3

A guy called Artemidorus, abbr. Arty reads a letter warning JC of Shady Faction. He's gonna wait till JC comes by and give it to him. When are these people going to learn not to blab out their plans?

Scene 4

Portia, Brutus' wife, sends Lucius to the Senate to see how Brutus looks. Then Portia freaks out about some noise, and a soothsayer shows up. Are soothsayers in fashion or what? He's going to wait for JC to pass by somewhere less crowded and warn him or something.

Portia sends a one-liner to the gods asking them to speed Brutus in his enterprise. And she realizes Lucius is right next to her. Wow, finally they learn talking out loud is not smart. She covers up and tells Lucius to tell Brutus she's merry. Blatant lies.

Next up: Act 3. Julius Caesar finally dies.